It's interesting to look back and see how and where God has directed my path. When I was younger, I had a picture of what life was supposed to be...and now at 36, it isn't anything like the picture.
It's so much better.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's pick up where I left off.
It was June 2005 and I found myself sitting in a writing class. I was getting ready to teach 4th grade and teaching writing was going to be a major emphasis that year. There had been many workshops and professional development seminars before this one, but something in me knew that this was going to be different. As I pushed and prodded through the writing process I could sense the Lord speaking to me. I was writing words that I didn't know I had and a story was coming out. By the time I was done, I could see my life picture a little clearer. There was some definition in blurry lines and the fog was beginning to lift.
I went about the rest of my summer sensing there was something on the horizon. I was sitting on the front porch of a mountain side cabin in Northern Tennessee. My dear friend was grieving the loss of her husband and needed my help as a travel nanny to her two kids. We were both emotionally and physically exhausted but peaceful. During our daily phone call, Sean delivered some news that took my breath away. There were 2 little boys living with a foster family and it looked like adoption was becoming an option. Were we interested in "putting our name in the pot", so to speak?
Was I interested!?
My tears came immediately and like any good husband, he started to quickly reassure me that we didn't have to do anything right now or make any sudden decision. With deep sighs and a croaky voice I said "You don't understand...I had been praying for over a year about adoption." The Lord had placed that calling in my heart but I didn't know how to approach Sean with the idea. During my prayer time, I had called out to the Lord that He had to be the One to bring adoption to Sean. So even though we were separated by miles, the Lord was drawing our hearts together. When I returned home, we contacted the foster agency that was in charge of the boys case and began the process. We were walking into a very long and dark tunnel with only the assurance of the Lord's guidance as our light.
During the next 10 months, we witnessed the Lord move people and circumstances in only ways that He could. His Word came off the page and our hearts were awaken. Never in my life had I experienced a more alive time in His presence. As each month passed and we were moving closer and closer to having our sons, the layers of my heart were being pulled back. Psalm 126:5-6 was becoming more and more real to us. The seeds of promise that we would have children and that we had sown in our tears were reaping a harvest of joy.
Through the journey to motherhood, I saw the Lord continue to focus my life picture. It wasn't until I held my sons in my arms that I began to see what My God saw in me. It wasn't about having everything already laid out and determined. It wasn't about going through the motions of what I thought everyone else expected. It wasn't even about living life like I thought God wanted me to.
It is about total and complete submission. It is living my life with an understanding that Jesus Christ lives in me and He is in total control. All He asks is that I been ready and willing to move when called. It means letting Him control the paths taken and trusting that what He is doing is what is best.
For my journey to motherhood, it meant letting God bring me my children through adoption and I can't imagine it any better. My sons are the light in my life and bring me so much joy. The past 5 years have brought more happiness than I knew possible. The years have also brought me to my knees more than I can put into words. There is nothing about being a parent that doesn't require complete and total submission to God's Word. I found myself clinging to His promises now more than ever because it's no longer about my life picture.
Honestly, it never was about me.
Right now, it's about my sons and making sure that they learn to submit to their Heavenly Father. They don't know all the details yet but one day soon they will understand how the Lord reached down and rescued them. They will know how it was only by God's grace and mercy that our family came to be. But more importantly, they will know Christ as their personal Savior. They will live their lives honorably and know that the Almighty is their God and Father.
It's good to be on this journey.
It's so much better.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's pick up where I left off.
It was June 2005 and I found myself sitting in a writing class. I was getting ready to teach 4th grade and teaching writing was going to be a major emphasis that year. There had been many workshops and professional development seminars before this one, but something in me knew that this was going to be different. As I pushed and prodded through the writing process I could sense the Lord speaking to me. I was writing words that I didn't know I had and a story was coming out. By the time I was done, I could see my life picture a little clearer. There was some definition in blurry lines and the fog was beginning to lift.
I went about the rest of my summer sensing there was something on the horizon. I was sitting on the front porch of a mountain side cabin in Northern Tennessee. My dear friend was grieving the loss of her husband and needed my help as a travel nanny to her two kids. We were both emotionally and physically exhausted but peaceful. During our daily phone call, Sean delivered some news that took my breath away. There were 2 little boys living with a foster family and it looked like adoption was becoming an option. Were we interested in "putting our name in the pot", so to speak?
Was I interested!?
My tears came immediately and like any good husband, he started to quickly reassure me that we didn't have to do anything right now or make any sudden decision. With deep sighs and a croaky voice I said "You don't understand...I had been praying for over a year about adoption." The Lord had placed that calling in my heart but I didn't know how to approach Sean with the idea. During my prayer time, I had called out to the Lord that He had to be the One to bring adoption to Sean. So even though we were separated by miles, the Lord was drawing our hearts together. When I returned home, we contacted the foster agency that was in charge of the boys case and began the process. We were walking into a very long and dark tunnel with only the assurance of the Lord's guidance as our light.
Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and light to my path."
During the next 10 months, we witnessed the Lord move people and circumstances in only ways that He could. His Word came off the page and our hearts were awaken. Never in my life had I experienced a more alive time in His presence. As each month passed and we were moving closer and closer to having our sons, the layers of my heart were being pulled back. Psalm 126:5-6 was becoming more and more real to us. The seeds of promise that we would have children and that we had sown in our tears were reaping a harvest of joy.
Psalm 126: 5-6 "Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.
He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, Shall indeed come again with a
shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."
Through the journey to motherhood, I saw the Lord continue to focus my life picture. It wasn't until I held my sons in my arms that I began to see what My God saw in me. It wasn't about having everything already laid out and determined. It wasn't about going through the motions of what I thought everyone else expected. It wasn't even about living life like I thought God wanted me to.
It is about total and complete submission. It is living my life with an understanding that Jesus Christ lives in me and He is in total control. All He asks is that I been ready and willing to move when called. It means letting Him control the paths taken and trusting that what He is doing is what is best.
For my journey to motherhood, it meant letting God bring me my children through adoption and I can't imagine it any better. My sons are the light in my life and bring me so much joy. The past 5 years have brought more happiness than I knew possible. The years have also brought me to my knees more than I can put into words. There is nothing about being a parent that doesn't require complete and total submission to God's Word. I found myself clinging to His promises now more than ever because it's no longer about my life picture.
Honestly, it never was about me.
Right now, it's about my sons and making sure that they learn to submit to their Heavenly Father. They don't know all the details yet but one day soon they will understand how the Lord reached down and rescued them. They will know how it was only by God's grace and mercy that our family came to be. But more importantly, they will know Christ as their personal Savior. They will live their lives honorably and know that the Almighty is their God and Father.
It's good to be on this journey.
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