I am 39 and 2 months old...10 months from turning 40. I am a mother of 2 very active, impulsive, intense and creative boys. I am a wife to a man that loves me deeply and is committed to our family.
But I am also over 100 lbs overweight. That might be the first time I've ever put that number in writing. That's a hard number to read...to acknowledge...to admit.
There are many reasons these 100 lbs have crept up on me but this is not the place for placing blame. It's come to the point where I am watching part of my life being lived for me...not by me. I don't want my boys to look back on their childhood and see their mother sitting on the sidelines.
But more importantly, I don't want to reach 50, 60 or even 70 and not be able to enjoy my life. I'm watching my mom struggle with her health at 61. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer, gall bladder issues, and foot surgery. That doesn't include the knee surgery and cataracts she dealt with last year. She is miserable. She is in constant pain and not enjoying life. I hurt for her. In her mind she is able to do so much but her body is not letting her.
So today I'm taking back my health. I'm taking back my activity level. I'm taking back my future.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
It's time
It's been 2/1/2 years since I've written anything for this site. When I think back over the past few years, it feels like a fog. I can't really say one way or another where I've been or what I've done. All I know is that part of me feels like I'm waking up from a very deep sleep.
Tonight I had the opportunity to be with friends. These are people who love deeply and live life with intention. Kids ran everywhere, laughter rang out and life happened. Real life. Honest life. Intentional life. It felt good to be a part of the commotion.
But there was a small part of me that felt removed. Like I was still observing life from afar. It's in these moments when I hear Satan whisper in my ear this lies that I've believed for years.
"It's because you are overweight."
"You know they're talking about you."
"No one really wants you here...they're just being nice."
"When they find out your children were adopted, they will judge you and your children even more."
"You just don't belong here."
I wish I could find the words to explain how long I've been held captive by the lies of Satan. The bondage that held me stole years of joy and happiness.
It's time to take back what I lost. It's time to step out and claim the promises of God. It's time to live life to it's fullest and find joy in the moment.
It's time to embrace me and all that God made me to be.
It's time.
Tonight I had the opportunity to be with friends. These are people who love deeply and live life with intention. Kids ran everywhere, laughter rang out and life happened. Real life. Honest life. Intentional life. It felt good to be a part of the commotion.
But there was a small part of me that felt removed. Like I was still observing life from afar. It's in these moments when I hear Satan whisper in my ear this lies that I've believed for years.
"It's because you are overweight."
"You know they're talking about you."
"No one really wants you here...they're just being nice."
"When they find out your children were adopted, they will judge you and your children even more."
"You just don't belong here."
I wish I could find the words to explain how long I've been held captive by the lies of Satan. The bondage that held me stole years of joy and happiness.
It's time to take back what I lost. It's time to step out and claim the promises of God. It's time to live life to it's fullest and find joy in the moment.
It's time to embrace me and all that God made me to be.
It's time.
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